her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
is this the sara with the beer cane?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
