You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
