my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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