I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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