it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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