I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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