sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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