So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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