how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
