i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Randomize
