Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
vagina is talking i cant
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
