I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
