i just wanna soil my oats bro
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You're like the curious george of whores
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
