My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
