Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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