It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
