im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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