I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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