doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
