I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
