you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
