it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
