a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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