just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
