Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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