i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
oh god was she eating orange peels again
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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