There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I deserve this hangover.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
