I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize