If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
