Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
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