He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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