apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
