I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
