sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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