Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
