plz talk dirty to me
Did we literally take a cab across the street
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize