so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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