Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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