We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
