Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
