So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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