when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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