I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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