shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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