I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize