This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You made out with two different species that night
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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