Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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