She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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