You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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