the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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