I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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