I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
