we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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