Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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