A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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