So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
