i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
