First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
