That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize