you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Watching her eat just hurts me
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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